December 10, 2013

Trivia Blog: A Quiet Winter's Porn

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

This gives a whole new meaning to the term “crack addiction”…

So somehow, amidst the onslaught of last week’s news about shoppers killing each other on Black Friday rather than just buying the same stuff cheaper online, I missed what’s either the most disgusting or inevitable news item ever: There is now a porn parody of the crack-fueled shenanigans of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, portrayed by Juilliard-trained actor Peter O’Tool. (Get it? Because a dick joke.)

We all love a good porn parody. What would the world of cinema be without classics like Rebel Without a Condom or Raiders of the Lost Arse? I’m sure we’ve all gathered ’round the TV and shared in family favorites like Forrest Hump or Honey, I Blew Everybody? And I know you all have a copy of The Da Vinci Load on Blu-ray.

But what this really got me thinking about was the holidays. There is (probably) a serious dearth of Christmas movie-inspired porn parodies out there, and if other holidays can get in on the action with a title like Thanks-Giving Head, why not Christmas? Here, then, for all you aspiring porn directors out there (and please don’t take this as an opportunity to introduce yourself to me as one), are my top 10 ideas for yuletide-themed porn parodies:

10. The Christ-That’s-a-Big-Ass Story
9. Splooged
8. Jingle (My Balls) All the Way
7. Fisty the Ho-man
6. A Charlie Browneye Christmas
5. White Christmas (No Change Needed)
4. Jackoff Frost
3. Lube, Actually
2. ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, and I Totally Banged This Hot Chick
1. Tits a Wonderful Life

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