There’s so much happening that could’ve been covered in today’s trivia email: the return of the NYC Marathon, the World Series, Halloween, the launch of Obamacare, the fact that everything is now pumpkin-flavored, and so on. But there was one thing that, when it caught my eye, had to be covered for the atrocity that it was:
Paris Hilton dressed as Miley Cyrus at the Playboy Mansion Halloween party.
This is the polar opposite of the old “You got chocolate in my peanut butter/You got peanut butter in my chocolate” story. It’s like a turd wrapped in cancer. Texas wrapped in West Virginia. Stubbing your toe on the coffee table wrapped in restless leg syndrome. Kanye unleashing his seed in the chamber of secrets that is Kim Kardashian’s womb. Alright, maybe not that bad…
Still, I spent a solid 10 minutes trying to think of worse “terrible people dressed as other terrible people” costume combinations, and here’s all I could come up with:
- Alex Rodriguez dressed as Voldemort
- Ted Cruz dressed as a crying John Boehner
- Alex Trebek dressed as Rush Limbaugh
- Justin Bieber dressed as Hitler
That’s it. Oh, how I long for the days of stupid women dressing as “sexy [fill in the blank]” and calling it a day. Why must they now make idols out of other vacuous scrapings from the bottom of the barrel of lady-hood? Isn’t this what pissed God off in the Book of Exodus? If we’re suddenly swarmed by a plague of locusts, you know who to blame.