April 23, 2013

Trivia Blog: Bismarck His Words: Fucking Shit


These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

Well, at least the camera wasn’t on when he said it. Oh…

First impressions are very important. You want to come across as friendly, knowledgable, and even-tempered, especially if you happen to be a local TV news anchor whose words are heard by thousands of viewers at home. Such was the hard lesson learned by North Dakota KFYR-NBC’s AJ Clemente, who was just fired for whispering the words “Fucking shit” into his microphone as his very first broadcast began.

You gotta feel for the guy. There he was, finally atop the shining media empire that is Bismarck, North Dakota local news, and he lets slip a phrase that most of us use every day to describe how we feel about the surprisingly cold temperatures, the quality of our subway service, or the offseason moves made by the New York Jets. And he gets fired for it! Damn you, technology…

It’s really not fair. Had he uttered those words in a less tech-savvy, instant-viral-news world, he might still have a job telling North Dakotans all about that weekend’s hockey festival, or whatever it is that North Dakotans do. It’s not like he’s the first; not by a long shot. Consider these other historically bad first words…
  • It’s a historical fallacy that Neil Armstrong’s first words upon reaching the moon’s surface were, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” NASA’s public relations department’s greatest cover-up had nothing to do with faking the moon landing, but rather was hiding from the American people Armstrong’s real first words: “Seriously, Buzz, when we get back to Earth, remind me to do something about these crabs I got from that bartender in Abilene. It itches like CRAZY! Testicles, we have a problem…”
  • The little-known first of what were eventually edited down to Ten Commandments given to Moses: 21 TO DRINK, 18 TO PARTY.
  • Many people know of Alexander Graham Bell’s famous first words said via telephone to his assistant: “Mr. Watson, come here. I want to see you.” But few know of the words that preceded those: “Ah fuck, I forget which number I press to dial out…”
  • Prior to settling on “Call me Ishmael” for the opening words of Moby Dick, Herman Melville submitted a first draft that began with, “Man, whales be crazy and shit, right?”
  • God’s first words uttered after creating the universe? “Meh.”
  • Before his first major address to the people of Germany, Adolf Hitler, not realizing that his microphone was on, remarked, “OMG this matzoh ball soup is AMAAAAAZING!”

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