January 15, 2013

Trivia Blog: A Separate Piece

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

The game suddenly seems a lot less fun in light of all the actual lost homes and bankruptcies happening in recent years…

So last week, it was announced that Hasbro will be dropping one of Monopoly’s classic board game pieces in favor of a new piece chosen by fans.  (Can a board game have fans…?)  Much like with the Twinkiecaust, Americans are overreacting-ly up in arms over the news that one of their beloved pieces would be sent to the Great Closet Shelf in the Sky.  Who can blame them?  It’s hard to imagine parting with modern, everyday staples like powerless, steamless ironphallic, seatbelt-less, one-person racecar; and tongueless, laceless boot.

My only real problem with this idea?  Uninspired replacement options.  Hasbro has a chance to add something of true value from our current culture, and they want us to go with something like a robot or a ring or helicopter whose rotors seem dangerously close to each other?  There have to better options.  My options.  Here’s what I propose be added to the Monopoly replacement contest:
  • Mitt Romney’s used bottle of self-tanner
  • A broken set of iPhone headphones (I know you make them so fragile on fucking purpose, Apple; they’re like sickly children in an amusement park)
  • Lena Dunham’s now-probably-bloody shoe in which she struggled to walk at the Golden Globes
  • Lena Dunham’s ubiquitous boob (ubiquiboob?)
  • One of those really, really long curly fries
  • The shiv that Carmelo Anthony probably made out of an old spoon for his post-game stalking of Kevin Garnett
  • Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriend (just a little figurine of a man lying in the fetal position, hugging his knees and crying)

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