January 22, 2013

Trivia Blog: Fashion-First Lady

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

Damn her for trying to de-fatten our children, but that gown is SPECTACULAR…

So another Inauguration has come and gone, and I’m still amazed/slightly confused by three things: 1) Bill Clinton’s inability to just turn it off, 2) the fact that the guy who did this and this has somehow morphed into an American political staple/ambassador, and 3) this weird obsession with what Michelle Obama is wearing, at all times. I get that she’s the First Lady, and that there’s a long history of the media making the First Lady into the First Mannequin.  I get that she’s an attractive woman, with guns like a panic-stricken NRA member’s basement. But this is someone with degrees from Princeton and Harvard, not Scarlett Johansson on the fucking red carpet.  I feel like even if she somehow developed a medicine that cured both cancer AND restless leg syndrome, there would still be headlines like “Michelle Obama Stuns in Sexy White Lab Coat” (unless it was from FOX News, in which case the headline would be “President’s Wife Murders Cancer”).

What if we always viewed our news through a fashion-obsessed lens?  Think about what some of history’s biggest moments would have been like if “Who are you wearing?” was a more important question than “What are you doing?”.  Imagine the newspaper stories…

The Washington Post – April 15, 1865
“Murder of the highest degree was committed last night at Ford’s Theatre as President Abraham Lincoln, whilst attending a staging of the play Our American Cousin, continued to wear that god-awful high top hat, and murdered fashion as we know it.  Yes, it was a veritable bullet to the brain of America’s haberdashers, many of whom agree that with his long face and slender frame, the President should go with something shorter, with not so quite a broad brim; perhaps a bowler or derby of some sort.  Why, I wouldn’t be surprised if some devoted fashionista crept up behind the President and shot him dead.  In other news last night, someone crept up behind the President and shot him dead.”

New York Times – September 2, 1939
“War on a global scale appears imminent following Germany’s invasion of Poland yesterday, but a greater conflict is brewing within the highest offices of Berlin: Hitler’s wardrobe vs. good taste.  Someone should tell ol’ Adolf that black boots with khaki pants is a fashion nein-nein.  And while we’re all for accessorizing, slapping that weird angular symbol all over everything is overkill.  No way could he ever commit a worse crime than that.  And speaking of atrocities, what’s happening with his mustache?  Did he get distracted while shaving?  ’Mein Fuhrer?’ More like ‘Mustache Failer,’ am I right?  Hey, Hitler, Charlie Chaplin called and said… Well, we’re not sure what he’d say, because he’s a silent movie star.”

Boston Globe – July 21, 1969
“Baggy white pajamas with an oversized biker helmet?  I don’t care if Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, that outfit choice is the real problem, Houston.”

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