We’re back on track, baby. After two weeks of having Trivia Night either packed to the gills with post-Sandy fun-seekers or shipped to a ridiculously snowy Wednesday after Election Night, we’re back to our normal Tuesday night slot of goodness. (Slot of Goodness would be a great porn name, incidentally.) Also, before I move on to the meat of today’s email, let me extend a special thanks to those teams who braved the freak snowstorm on Wednesday to come to Trivia Night.
Albeit a much smaller night of trivia, it was a lot of fun, we gave out a lot of prizes, and I think we all learned a little bit more about ourselves and our bodies.
Before we get to tonight’s categories, the rash of crazy weather that we’ve had the past couple years has got me in a predicting mood. So here, for your preparatory needs, are some of the major weather events we can expect in our fair city over the coming months and years:
DECEMBER ’12 - In an unprecedented weather event, snow actually falls from the sky and remains on the ground not in the months of October or November, but in December, when it’s supposed to fall. New Yorkers, confused and angry over the mass cancellation of December outdoor brunches, riot and tear down the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, killing Al Roker in the process. Matt Lauer is unharmed.
MAY ’13 - In a weather event of seemingly biblical proportions, frogs fall from the sky, littering the streets of New York and providing a bountiful feast for hungry, French-cuisine-appreciating homeless. Christian groups scramble to exploit the occurrence as proof that god wants to strike down the sinful heathens of NYC, but in the end it turns out the whole thing was a marketing stunt to promote Apple’s new iFrog, a combination mini-tablet, electric skillet, and fly swatter.
OCTOBER ’13 - A woman named Sandy gets drunk after consuming too many Hurricane cocktails, slamming her car into a ConEd truck while trying to navigate the Lincoln Tunnel. No actual weather event occurs, but a few people recognize and appreciate the irony of the situation.
JANUARY ’14 - New Jersey Governor Chris Christie enters the realm of local legend when, following a massive blizzard that leaves the tri-state area crippled, he clears the Lincoln and Holland Tunnels by spraying gallons of fruit-flavored syrup into each and consuming the packed-in snow like two giant snow cones. When asked afterward how he thought of such an ingenious method of helping people affected by the blizzard, Christie responds, “Blizzard…?”
JULY ’15 - A record-breaking heat wave settles over the city, melting the carefully constructed plastic surgery work of thousands of Upper East and Upper West Side ladies’ faces. Mistaking the mutilated spinsters for an approaching zombie horde, New York City Mayor Alec Baldwin orders the National Guard to fire upon the crowd, decimating the population of cab-stealing Manhattanites. No one seems to care.
OCTOBER ’16 - As another massive hurricane approaches during the first of their monumental presidential debates, Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton wins handily, as Republican candidate Chris Christie switches to hurricane mode, agreeing with everything Clinton says and, at multiple points, crossing the stage to hug her.
NOVEMBER ’16 - Light showers early on, but the clouds give way to sunny skies with a high of 57 later in the afternoon.