July 3, 2012

Trivia Blog: Happy Birthday, 'merica

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

A shorter-than-usual email in honor of pre-Fourth of July shortened workdays…

For those of you fine triviagoers who are still going to be in town and haven’t gallavanted off on some beach-y, barbecue-y trip in honor of our great nation’s birthday, I hope you’ll swing by the Gael Pub tonight for some trivia to beat the heat and get shitfaced for America, since we have no work to go to in the morning.  It’s what the founding fathers would’ve wanted, despite what the Tea Party might tell you.

For those of you who are gone and will be enjoying the 4th in full force tomorrow, however, 1) I hope to see you again next week when you’re back on your normal schedule and 2) please keep in mind the following guidelines/safety tips to ensure that you’ll enjoy your holiday to its fullest potential:
  • Fireworks are nature’s way of weeding out the stupidest and drunkest of our stupid, drunken rednecks.  Nary a 4th of July goes by that we don’t hear of some Miller High Life-saturated step back in the evolutionary chain losing a digit, an eye, or a sad excuse for a life because he held onto an M80 for too long or thought it’d be hilarious to shoot a giant bottle rocket out of his nether regions.  Don’t be like them.  Enjoy fireworks from a safe and non-imbred distance.
  • People will tell you that you shouldn’t overdo it in terms of your meat consumption this 4th of July.  Those people are wrong.  They’re also filthy terrorists.  Be a motherfucking patriot and shove as many former creatures of nature down your gullet as you possibly can.
  • Just because your friend passes out early while the sun’s still out doesn’t mean that it’s okay to write filthy words or draw pictures of penises on his chest or forehead with sunscreen, thus sealing in the temporary tattoo as a reminder of his inability to handle his liquor.  Actually… I take that back.  That’s perfectly fine.  And hilarious.
  • “God Bless the USA” and “Born in the USA” = good.  ”London Calling” and Toto’s “Africa” = bad.
  • Fireworks > parades.  Always.

No comments: