July 10, 2012

Trivia Blog: Don't Not Do What Drugs Doesn't Do

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

A short play…

[A stoned man is sitting on the couch watching CNN, a freshly stubbed-out joint resting in an ashtray on the coffee table.]

CNN Anchor:  ”…as New Jersey Governor Chris Christie expressed his disapproval with America’s drug policy.”
Christie:  “The War on Drugs, while well-intentioned, has been a failure.  We’re…”
Stoner:  Whoa…  Did you hear that, Drugs?

[Drugs hops up on the couch with the stoned man.]

Drugs:  Hear what, man?
Stoner:  That fat dude just said the war on you is over.
Drugs:  [looks at screen] John Goodman said that?
Stoner:  I think that’s the guy from Curb Your Enthusiasm, actually.  Larry David’s friend.  Anyways, good news, right?
Drugs:  Yeah, man, I’m glad to hear it.  It’s been a long couple of decades.  I got blamed for EVERYTHING, man.  Bad rock music, school shootings, Tim Burton’s shitty Alice in Wonderland remake… Thank god I’ve had so many staunch allies.
Stoner:  Allies?
Drugs:  Yeah, Willie Nelson, Gary Busey, Robert Downey Jr., Andy Dick, all the people on those rehab shows, most of the entertainment industry, really.
Stoner:  I don’t know if those guys are the sorts of people you want to ally yourself with…
Drugs:  Come on, man, they’re not all bad.  Did you see how much money The Avengers has made??
Stoner:  I don’t know, Drugs.  Maybe Chris Christie’s wrong.  Maybe I shouldn’t be hanging out with you as much as I do.
Drugs:  What do you mean?
Stoner:  Well, I mean, I’m sitting here having a conversation with an imaginary representation of an abstract collection of mind-altering substances.  That can’t be good for me long-term, right?
Drugs:  Yeah, maybe not, but at least you’re not out there, like, blowing up buildings or eating people’s faces off.  You’re just having a smoke and watching old Voltron episodes on Netflix.  The world is full of many great evils, my friend, but a guy sitting on his couch lighting up a joint isn’t even in the Top 5 Million.
Stoner:  True…  Hey, Drugs?
Drugs:  Yeah?
Stoner:  You’re alright, man.
Drugs:  Thanks, dude.  Hey, I’m gonna go ahead and make you forget about your doctor’s appointment at 3:15.
Stoner:  Thanks, Drugs.

The End.

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