May 15, 2012

Trivia Blog: Mom-entous Moments

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

A brief look at some momentous Mother’s Day moments throughout the years…

May 9, 1914 – In an effort to honor her recently deceased mother, Anna Jarvis works with Congress to establish the first official Mother’s Day in America.  Florists around the country unexplainably achieve simultaneous erections.

May 8, 1934 – Sally and Tommy Harper of Rochester, New York, present the first-ever gift of a macaroni necklace to their mother, Martha Harper, in lieu of being able to afford something that she actually wanted.  Scholars deem her response of “Oh, this is lovely, I’ll wear it every day!” to be a watershed moment in the history of parents lying to their kids to try and preserve their feelings.  The discovery of the macaroni necklace in the trash later that week, however, kicks off a lifetime of bitterness and enmity towards women on the part of Tommy.

May 10, 1957 – After burning off his left eyebrow and ruining several egg pans, Albert Jones of Fort Wayne, Indiana utters the first “Honey, since you cook for us so often, we’re taking you out for a Mother’s Day breakfast, my treat!”  Denny’s managers around the country unexplainably achieve simultaneous erections.

May 9, 1968 – Claire Stevens, an unwed, single, 38-year-old woman from Carson City, Nevada declares the first “Non-Mother’s Day,” stating that women who “didn’t ruin their lives and sacrifice their bodies in order to bring a few more screaming brats into the world” deserve a day of recognition as well.  The country responds, “Good for you,” and goes back to brunch with their loving, life-affirming families.

May 7, 1969 – Claire Stevens’ second-annual Non-Mother’s Day turns out to be a much sadder affair than the previous year’s, as she awakens to open the presents she bought for her cats to “give” to her and finds herself feeling alone.  So very, very alone.

January 26, 2009 – Nadya Suleman, later known in the media as “The Octomom,” gives birth to octuplets and immediately begins to simultaneously neglect and exploit them. The sanctity of Mother’s Day is threatened.

April 30, 2012 – The Octomom files for bankruptcy, claiming to have more than $1 million in debts, causing social workers to begin work on a case to remove the eight children from her care.  The sanctity of Mother’s Day is restored.

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