April 24, 2012

Trivia Blog: A Holo Good Idea

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

Help me, Obi-Wan Tupaci, you’re my only hope…

First and foremost, before I get into this week’s email, I want to again extend a very heartfelt thank you to everybody who came out to last week’s massive trivia night to celebrate my one-year anniversary of being Quizmaster at the Gael Pub.  We had 36 teams, 137 points at stake, gave away a lot of prizes, played a lot of Between-Rounds Bingo, and learned a lot about ourselves, I think.  It was a great reminder why I do this gig every single week, and will hopefully be able to do it for many, many more to come.  There’s a lot of new, fun stuff coming your way in the coming year, one of which I’ll explain later on.  But enough of that for now.

Let’s talk about holograms.

At this point, I’m sure, eeeeeverybody has seen or heard about last week’s technology-aided resurrection of Tupac Shakur at Coachella.  By now you’ve probably read numerous pieces about the event that either viewed it as a shameful travesty, an unbelievably cool moment, another piece of evidence that Tupac is indeed alive and well and still living the good (reclusive) Thug Life, or as further proof that if someone smokes enough pot, a hologram and a ghost are basically the same thing.  I tend to think that it was mostly just a really cool thing to witness, but I’m much more interested in the far better ways that we can apply this technology in our lives.  I think we need a Hologram Use Czar, and I think that I’m the logical choice to fill that position.  (I still have a Topps Michael Jordan hologram card.  My candidacy is strong.)

Here, then, is what I’ll call the “Me Getting to Act Out the Vader-Emperor Scene in Empire Strikes Back” Memorial List of what we should use the Tupac hologram technology for:
  • Instead of debating each other during this year’s election season, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney will debate hologram versions of history’s greatest speakers; people like Aristotle, Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, Billy Mays, and the guy who actually took a girl home using the line, “Your dad must be a baker, ‘cus you got hot buns.”
  • During his first preseason game, a hologram of a crack-fueled Lawrence Taylor will bear down on Peyton Manning, just to make sure he really wants to come back.
  • Five words: The Golden Girls – Season 29.
  • Forget Chris Hansen and his haughty way of catching child predators.  My more efficient manner involves a hologram of a Zima-drinking child sitting alone at a playground, which then suddenly disappears as the predator approaches and is replaced by a very-real pack of dogs that shoot bees out of their mouths.
  • Funeral homes could now offer the Hologram Package, where the soon-to-be deceased has the option of recording themselves doing things like telling which of their relatives they’re most disappointed in, giving clues to where their money is buried, or performing their 4-hour one-man play about their life that everyone always avoided going to before.
  • You’ll be able to pull the greatest April Fool’s prank ever by sending hologram Jesus to the home of an uber-Christian friend to announce his return.  We could do this to Kirk Cameron like every other day.

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