February 14, 2012

Trivia Blog: Happy Valentine's Dud

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

It's a scientifically proven fact that couples attend trivia nights on Valentine's Day stay together longer, have better sex lives, and produce better-looking, smarter children than the average couple.*  For you single trivia-goers, what better way to meet a nice lady/fella than to attend your weekly trivia night?  You're sure to meet an intelligent, fun-loving, probably disease-free mate who clearly has amazing taste in bar-provided entertainment.  I myself met my girlfriend at a trivia night very much like the one we host here at the Gael Pub.**

In the spirit of the holiday, and to shed a little light on the process of a writer who does freelance work on the side, I thought I'd share with you some Valentine's Day-themed ideas for cards, messages, and love poems that were rejected by various greeting card and candy companies:

  • "Be my Valentine...  Let's face it, neither of us are going to do any better."
  • "Our first few dates have been amazing, I've successfully been wooed... But now seems like a good time to tell you, I'm actually a dude."
  • "Roses are red, violets are blue... Actually, violets are more like a purple.  I mean, why else would that purply color be called 'violet'?  Couldn't they have said, 'Roses are red, geraniums are blue'?  Or at least, 'geraniums are sometimes blue'?  The rhyme would've still worked, and the poem's narrative structure would've remained basically intact.  I should write a letter...  What were we talking about again?"
  • "Life is like a box of chocolates... Sometimes it gives you diabetes."
  • "Be Mine. Love, Chris Brown I mean, some other guy."
  • "You're my sweetheart and I could never get rid of ya... I hope this candy makes up for giving you chlamydia."

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