December 13, 2011

Trivia Blog: Your Own Personal Tesus

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

A short play...

(Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow sits at his locker, studying his playbook and the Bible simultaneously. Suddenly, a loud BOOM shatters the silence and a bright, white light floods the locker room. A voice, accompanied by a choir of angels, erupts.)

God:  TIMOTHY!!!
Tebow:  (drops books)  By Urban Meyer's buzzcut!! ... Lord, is that you?
God:  Yes, my son.  And I bring with me somber tidings.  Thou art guilty of a great sin, Timothy.
Tebow:  Poor QB rating?
God:  No!! ... Well, yes.  But no, thy sin is of a more biblical nature.  Thou art aware of the First and Second Commandments, I assume?
Tebow:  Uh... First is "I am the Lord your God, thou shalt not have other gods before me," and Second is "Thou shalt not worship any false idols."  But Lord, I am your servant.  How have I offended you?
God:  By becoming more god than man, Timothy!  (sits down next to Tebow)  Look, kid, we appreciate the PR boost.  We do.  Our numbers have been great since thou started winning football games.  Not Inquisition-type numbers, but really solid gains nonetheless, especially in the Mountain states.  But does thou hear what they're calling thou?  "The Mile-High Messiah"?  "Heaven's Heisman Winner"? "Yah-winner"?
Tebow:  I've heard the nicknames, Lord, and while I'm flattered, I'm not trying to be anything more than a good football player and a good Christian.
God:  And again, for the most part, thou art doing a great job, in both departments.  But maybe try and be a bit more proactive in toning down their worshipping of thou, huh?.  I mean, me damnit, they're calling thou "Tesus."  It's really bumming out J.C.
Tebow:  (shocked)  I've made Jesus sad??
God:  Well, he's sensitive.  He had to go through some pretty heavy stuff to be the Messiah; thou've seen the Mel Gibson movie.  All thou had to do was beat the Dolphins.
Tebow:  (hangs head)  I can't believe I disappointed Jesus...
God:   Ah, he'll get over it.  He tends to lean toward forgiveness in terms of overcoming crises.  It's just hard on him.  He got fasting, persecution, and crucifixion.  Thou got national championships, a Heisman, and big arms.  And thy girlfriend's not too bad, either.  Well done there, my son.
Tebow:  Thanks, Lord.
God:  Up top. (high fives Tebow)  Look, I've got to run.  I'm supposed to appear as a character witness at some Catholic priests' trial.  But again, love the work thou are doing, super proud of thou, keep filling those pews and those donation boxes, but, thou know, ex-nay on the essiah-May, comprende?
Tebow:  I will, Lord.  Thank you for the divine counsel.
God:  Word.  God out. (disappears)

The End.

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