September 20, 2011

Trivia Blog: Nice Shoes, Butthead

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

Laces?  Where we’re going, we don’t need laces.

By now, most of you have heard that Nike has plans underway to create Marty McFly Jr.’s iconic power-lacing sneakers from Back to the Future 2 (although theirs won’t have the power laces; lame).  Nike, apparently, is banking on the fact that consumers’ unchained nostalgia will trump the small voice in one’s head that normally holds sway when considering paying $3,500 for shoes that don’t fly or cure cancer or give its wearer toe orgasms.  (No idea what toe orgasms are, exactly, but they sound like something that Rex Ryan would go nuts for.)

I, for one, am all about this.  Not the price tag, that’s ridiculous, but I think that science has taken far too long to realize that they have a duty to make today’s technology reflect the prophecies of BTTF2′s fictional, futuristic world of 2015.  Because so far, science isn’t exactly delivering on what that soothsayer of a film promised.  As a wee ginger lad, I dreamed of a future full of flying cars, auto-drying clothes, and hoverboards.  Well where the fuck is my hoverboard, science?  Where the fuck is my hoverboard?

But the biggest miss, for a Shark Week devotee such as myself, is obviously the film’s depiction of the release of Jaws 19.  How dare they tease me with such a prolific series run and stop at a paltry four installments?  Jaws is a classic and Jaws 2 is completely underrated, and who cares if Jaws 3-D was a horrible mess despite the stalwart presence of Louis Gossett, Jr., and Jaws 4 was kind of a flop despite the presence of Michael Caine’s accent?  We still have time to crank out 15 more by the end of 2015; the storyline possibilities are endless.

In Jaws 7, the shark could find a way to fashion himself a pair of legs and stalk the Brody family after they move to Des Moines.  In Jaws 11, the shark could learn to come to grips with his father issues and reunite with his dad by film’s end.  In Jaws 14, the shark could begin a star-crossed love affair with a girl from a lower class, which his parents would oppose but he goes through with anyway because “Shut up, Dad! You’re not the boss of me!” (callback).  In Jaws 16, the shark could be a barracuda, because no one would see that coming.  And it could all culminate in Jaws 19, when the shark teams up with the Avengers and fights all the apes in San Francisco to stop them from telling the life stories of black, Southern maids in the 60s.  Oscar gold, I tells ya.

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