August 23, 2011

Trivia Blog: 5K-iss My Ass

These Trivia Blog posts come from the emails I send out as Quizmaster of the Gael Pub Trivia Night every Tuesday.  But seeing as how they comprise most of the writing I seem to do these days, I thought it fitting to include them on the Pale Writer blog as well.  I won't include things like info about categories or drink specials, but will keep the bulk of the rest.  Hopefully you enjoy, so much so that you come out some Tuesday at 8:30 (3rd Ave. b/t 82nd and 83rd)...

I’ve got a new business idea.

So you know how you’re out on a Saturday or Sunday morning, trying to enjoy your 4th or 5th straight cocktail, because it’s brunch and, hey, it’s not sad or indicative of any deeper problems to be drunk before noon if it’s at brunch, and you see a runner stroll by, glistening in the morning sun with hard-earned sweat and proudly displaying their “Run for (Blank)” numbered ID tag on their shirt?  You know that feeling of shame that bubbles up and ruins a bite of what, prior to spotting this braggy fun-runner, had been an absolutely delicious lobster eggs benedict?  You know that quick bit of math you do in your head, when you realize that while you were blearily watching Meet the Press in your underwear, Usain Bolt over here was already on mile two?  I want to put an end to all that.

Because honestly, where do these people get off?  It’s not part of the agreement to keep wearing the little tag after you finish the race.  You paid your entry fee.  You ran your race.  You supported the cure. So quit being a jerk and take the damned number off.  No one’s forcing you.  The last time people were forced to wear numbers in public, a bunch of other people had to go to war with Germany.  (Too soon?)

So here’s my business idea:  A company that makes fabrications of those runner ID number tags, ready to be printed off immediately from the comfort of your couch, or ordered ahead of time for even greater authenticity.  Before you head out to brunch, throw on some shorts and strap on one of our numbered tags.  Stroll into brunch with your head held high.  Revolutionize the way you approach day drinking.  Now, you’re not just an accepted member of Those Who Brunch; you’re a hero among brunchers.  For an extra $15, we’ll even ship you a medal of some sort, and one of those shiny blankets the marathon runners wear post-race, all draped in warmth and satisfaction like some kind of festive superhero.

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